Steve is 10 years old and does not have many friends at school. He spends most of his time on his own. Often his classmates invite him to play, but he doesn’t like it, because the game does not have the same rules and rights for everybody, while he is the object for his friends to play with. Days at school do not bring motivation; on the contrary they are now a real torture for Steve. Sometimes he get some relax reading books or chatting with the custodian. Not all children know his real name, while they use nicknames (which he does not like at all). He does not understand why he is different from the other kids and why they don’t want to play with him. Before leaving home to go to school he always complains about feeling sick and his parents are worried because he stopped eating: they don’t know what’s happening. Steve has depression and social anxiety.
Silvia is 37 and works for the same firm since few years now. Recently she has been requested to move to a different department with new colleagues and a new manager. Initially the change was an opportunity to demonstrate her skills, grow further and get higher results. However, after few months, she started feeling different: she could not fulfill the expectations of the manager, who was giving her very short deadlines, with no clear instruction and information to complete the task. As a result Silvia started questioning her own skills and match with the new role. The situation dropped further when the manager started addressing her with all other colleagues standing around. From that point they gave her nicknames (eventually she discovered this event just after a long time). At the same time, rumours about her spread throughout the all organization. Silvia suddenly considered herself unable to take action and change or reverse things. Suicide started appearing as an option: she is now facing a depression.
What do Steve and Silvia have in common?
Both are victims of harassment. Harassment in school and office are often underestimated and sometimes considered as ‘something normal’, nevertheless they are a kind violence.
The WHO describes violence as the «the intentional use of physical force or power, threatened or actual, against oneself, another person, or against a group or community, that either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, maldevelopment, or deprivation.»
Olwens (in Avilez, J. 1998), was the first to study bullying and violence in schools. In the 70s, it proposed the concept of bullying to describe those repetitive negative actions (direct physical aggression, verbal and psychological, exclusion, use of nicknames, extortions, threats, etc) coming from a student (or group of students) to another, with the intent to harm. Today, bullying has shown more subtle features: if before it was limited to the premises of educational institutions, today, through the Internet, has broken these borders, and the attackers can use this new tool to continue abusing their victims, for example, Facebook pages, by emails, text messages. The phenomenon, called cyber bullying, has become more difficult to detect and handle than in the past. Also, similar dynamics are registered in other contexts, such as organizations and firms, where this form of harassment is referred to as mobbing or workplace bullying.
¿How can we recognize bullying?
Well, not every joke is bullying of course; the question is then: how to recognize it? The characteristics which can make a normal behaviour turning into harassment are:
- The presence of one or more attackers and of one or more persons to whom aggression is aimed (i.e. the victim). Usually also one or more people who are spectators of aggression, with a certain level of involvement: as advocates, they remain peripheral and do not assault still their behaviours, as laughs, can reinforce or «reward» the aggressors.
- There must be violence, physical and/or verbal attacks, against the victims. In the employment context, it is more common to observe psychological violence.
- Violent acts should be maintained over time. Longer the duration of the harassment, the more harmful the consequences.
- The relationship victim-aggressor is consolidated and forms a pathological dyad. Their lives revolve around what the other will do.
- There is an imbalance of power, which can be physical, psychological or social: for example, older students against the smaller, subordinates against chiefs, «popular» against » not popular» people etc.
- There is an impact on everyone involved.
¿Who can be a bully or a victim?
The studies have shown some personality characteristics which make a person more vulnerable than others to become a bullied person. Generally the bullied is timid, passive, with low self-esteem, may have some kind of special need, usually has an external locus of control, or in simple words, he thinks he has no control over the situation; he has anxious features, may have an insecure attachment with their parents, as well as learning and/or physical problems.
The attackers, meanwhile, usually present deficits in self-control and empathy, they have been themselves in the past victims of abuse and, as per the victims, have low self-esteem.
What is the process of bullying?
Sullivan defines five stages of intimidation proposing the following model of «Downward Spiral» bullying (in Jimenez, A, 2007):
- Watch and wait: In this stage the aggressor observes the dynamics within the group and identifies potential victims (who are not aware of this selection). Viewers send signals showing that the attackers are not candidates for harassment.
- Test the water temperature: they begin to execute the first aggressive acts and to get followers: Victims do not defend at this stage: they are uncomfortable but they don’t consider things can go worse. Viewers also feel some degree of discomfort.
- Something major happens: the attack is more severe, the victim feels guilty for being intimidated and unable to defend, thinks that the aggression will end soon and that is just a way to have fun. Viewers feel guilty as well for not helping the victim.
- Harassment tone goes up: aggressive acts increase, and are perpetrated outside of school or work environment. The attackers exaggerate their idea of power, while victims feel desperate, have low self-esteem. Viewers are protected and justify bullying as normal, thus they ignore the attacks.
- Definitive Establishment: bullies increase bullying over other areas. The victim confirms its vision of a dangerous world, and can reach the point to think of suicide.
Bullying consequences
The victims of bullying, as Esteban and Silvia, have profound impact on their lives. This is associated with absenteeism (work and school) and failure, psychosomatic symptoms, avoidance behaviours, anxiety disorders (i.e. social phobia), decreased self-esteem, impaired self-concept, and may also result in aggressive reactions, whether at school, office or home. By decreasing their self-confidence and trust in other people, they fail to establish social relationships and become unable to react and deal with situations. At a certain stage they will tend to ignore the abuse, to avoid confrontation with their aggressors. Alterations in mood and difficulties in developing a sense of belonging and believing in a full existence are common.
The attacker progressively learns to use the abuse as a tool to achieve his goals, status and recognition and establishing links; one of the problems that can arise is the tendence to generalize and replicate these behaviours in other contexts, such as with a partner, in the workplace, etc. It is known the correlation between being an abuser at school age, and the risk of developing criminal behaviour in adulthood.
Viewers are also affected, once that the selfish and individualistic behaviour is enhanced, are more likely to develop themselves aggressive behaviour and present difficulty in differentiating between what is right and what is wrong.
What we can do about bullying?
The first step is surely getting proper awareness and knowledge about it. Knowing that bullying is real and not just an «exaggeration», is the first requirement to then take action to stop the cycle of violence.
If we identify ourselves as victims, we must seek help to develop our assertiveness, learn problem solving strategies and improve our self-esteem. In addition, we will need to empower and take effective actions to curb violence. Above all, we shall at any moment be aware that bullying is something that can be stopped and which we are not guilty for.
If we recognize ourselves in the position of witnesses or spectators, we shall take action on the matter and be part of the solution of the problem, i.e. intervene if we see situations that harm another person, putting aside our fears and insecurities and supporting who he is suffering.
Finally, if we are able to recognize ourselves as aggressors and we want to change, it is time for us to evaluate how our low self-esteem leads to harm the others. We can look for patterns in which we see ourselves either as aggressors and victims and we can try to define which ‘need» we aim to satisfy through the power and control over others. We will also need to be aware of the responsibility to seek help to learn, or improve, our social skills.
As the bullying deeply attacks the dignity of people, it’s time to do something. We create bullying, therefore we are responsible to stop it.
References
Jiménez, A. (2007) El maltrato entre escolares (Bullying) en el primer ciclo de educación obligatoria: Valoración de una intervención a través de medios audiovisuales. Tesis Doctoral. Universidad de Huelva, Departamento de Educación. Huelva – España.
Avilés, Y. El maltrato entre escolares en el contexto de las conductas de acoso. Bullying en la escuela. Modelos de intervención. Grupo de investigación de la Universidad de Valladolid – España.
Acas. Bullying and harassment at work: A guide for employees.
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